Drunk Scotsman
by northstar333
Summary: Lyrics to an Irish folk song which I don't own, btw enacted out with IY characters Kouga, Sango, Kagome, and Shippo. An attempt at humor.


Disclaimer: The characters of InuYasha are not mine, they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Rated: PG13

Warning: Strong Language

A/N I know I know….a songfic! Soooo bad. But I heard this song and just HAD to….

_**The Drunk Scotsman**_

_An Irish Folk Melody_

_**Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair,**_

_**And one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share.**_

_**He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet,**_

_**And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.**_

"That was some good shit," Kouga mumbled to himself as he propelled himself forward with none of his usual grace or agility.

Baba was one tough old tanuki; as cranky and mean as any bitter old hag had a right to be. But damn, she could brew sake like no other. It'd cost him a pretty penny to separate her from some of her wares—that and an inch or two of his hide—but it'd been well worth the trouble.

He'd seen Kagome kissing Inuyasha and had needed a good strong drink to calm the rage within him. If it'd been dog breath leading the kiss, he'd have kicked the fuzzy haired bastard so far he'd reach orbit.

But it'd been Kagome, her dark eyes soft and sad as she pressed her lips gently against the startled Inuyasha's.

Damn.

Damn damn damn.

What did dog boy have that he didn't?

Kouga gave a dissatisfied belch as he came to a halt, wavering on his feet. The world spun crazily about his head and with weak knees, he sank to the ground. Fighting the urge to puke his brains out, Kouga had just enough sense left to crawl his way into some underbrush before he passed out.

_**Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o**_

_**Ring-da-diddly-ai-o**_

_**He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.**_

_**About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by,**_

_**One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye,**_

"_**See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong and handsome build,**_

_**I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt?"**_

"Are you sure you saw Kouga come this way?" Kagome panted as she and Sango kept pace with the darting Shippo.

"I'm sure! I can smell him!" Shippo replied, his nose twitching with disgust. "He's drunk too, by what I smell."

"Drunk?!" Sango remarked with surprise. "That's not like Kouga at all. Kagome, why exactly did you want to go find Kouga all of a sudden?"

Kagome blushed furiously and refused to meet her friend's eyes.

"N-nothing. I just wanted to make sure he's okay," she sputtered out in her defense.

"There he is," Shippo pointed, covering his nose with one paw. "Urgh! He _reeks!_ I'm not coming any closer. You do the rest."

Fighting her way through the underbrush, Sango crouched down beside the sprawled Kouga. She looked him over with appraising eyes as Kagome squatted down next to her. The slayer reached out and pressed her fingertips against the strong column of Kouga's throat, searching for a pulse. There it was, sluggish and unsteady beneath her fingertips.

"He really did a number on himself," Sango commented. She pinned Kagome with a searching, suspicious gaze. "He saw something happen between you and Inuyasha, didn't he?"

Her tone left no room for Kagome to be evasive. With a guilty flush, Kagome looked away. "Yes," she said quietly.

"Poor Kouga," Sango said as she smoothed the wolf's dark bangs out of his face. "He's so honest and straightforward in his feelings. Kagome, you should have told him properly where your feelings lie before he discovered it himself."

"I tried!" Kagome exclaimed in response to the chiding in Sango's tone. "But he's never listened. He's so confident in his own ability to win me over."

"Yeah," Sango agreed at last, "He's made up his mind about you and stuck with it….unlike a certain hanyou I know of. A girl could do far worse than Kouga…"

"Ayame," Kagome protested.

"That was an honest mistake on his part. At least he admitted to it and in the end, he still chose you," Sango shot back. She gave the wolf's lax form a slow appraisal with her eyes. "Kouga has a lot to recommend him. Are you sure you want to turn him down?"

Following the lead of Sango's gaze, Kagome looked Kouga over, noticing the strong lines of his body, how lean and muscular he was. Soft and lush dark hair that put her own to shame, eyes as blue as cobalt glass, the weather roughened, tanned skin.

"He is really hansome," Kagome said at last with a little sigh.

"And strong," Sango replied.

By sheer coincidence, their eyes both fell to the furry covering at his waist.

"I wonder…" Sango voiced their shared thought out loud.

"If it's true what he doesn't wear beneath that," Kagome finished.

_**Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o**_

_**Ring-da-diddly-ai-o**_

_**I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt?**_

_**They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman, quiet as could be,**_

_**Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.**_

_**And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt,**_

_**Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.**_

They both stared a moment longer, the silence stretching out between them. Then with bold audacity, Sango reached out and hooked her fingers under the bottom fold and lifted it up just enough so they could see.

"Eee!" Kagome squealed with embarrassed fascination.

"Oh…my…" Sango said with quieter, breathless appreciation.

_**Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o**_

_**Ring-da-diddly-ai-o**_

_**Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.**_

_**They marveled for a moment than one said, "We must be gone,**_

_**Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."**_

_**As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow,**_

_**Around the bonny-star the Scot's kilt did lift and show.**_

They glanced at each other, taking in the flaming red of the other's face, and broke down into helpless giggles. Shippo, having heard their mirth, bounced up to perch on Sango's shoulder.

"Wow, he's big!" the kit exclaimed with innocent envy. "Ne, Kagome, do you think I'll grow that big when I get older?"

Sango snickered as Kagome sputtered, blushing furiously. Wiping tears from her eyes, Sango addressed Shippo's question.

"It's obvious," she managed between her peals of laughter. "That Kouga has been blessed by the Canine God with generous endowment. Why don't you leave an offering and pray to be blessed?"

Shippo thought about that for a moment as the girls tried to calm their laughter.

"Where would I leave an offering?" he asked. "I know of no temple for that god."

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Kagome pointed. "Why not leave one there? The Canine God will be sure to find it then."

With eyes lit in excitement, Shippo pulled a blue ribbon out of his pocket and tied it in a pretty bow.

"There!" he exclaimed with satisfaction. Slapping his hands together twice, he shouted,

"Oh Kami-sama, please bless me too!"

At the noise, Kouga began to stir. Struggling to their feet, Kagome snatched up Shippo in her arms as the trio beat a hasty retreat.

_**Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o**_

_**Ring-da-diddly-ai-o**_

_**Around the bonny-star the Scot's kilt did lift and show.**_

_**Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree,**_

_**Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.**_

_**And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes,**_

"_**Lad I don't know where ya been but I see you won first prize."**_

Damn he had to go pee.

Forcing his protesting body upright, Kouga staggered over to a likely tree. With fumbling fingers he lifted his fur and encountered the texture of satin. Gaping down at the bright, pretty blue bow, he gingerly untied it and held it up to his nose.

The ribbon smelled of…Shippo?!

Kouga scowled.

Why would the kitsune have done such a thing? Blackmail? Declaration of war? Marking of territory?

Kouga scowled harder as the scents of Kagome and Sango finally registered.

Had they seen? How _exactly_ had the ribbon got to be where it was?!

He sniffed harder…and smelled the faint, musky tinge of female arousal.

With much puzzling and hard thinking—which was hard to do around the ache of his hangover—he finally decided that the ribbon was a sly little indication of their intent.

Hell, he'd never looked at Sango that way…but if the girl wanted what he thought she wanted….

"Any time, any where ladies," Kouga said aloud with a smirk. Then he frowned fiercely.

"But I sure as hell ain't doing the kitsune!!"

_**Ring-ding-diddle-iddle-adi-o**_

_**Ring-da-diddly-ai-o**_

_**Lad I don't know where ya been but I see you won first prize.**_


End file.
